Early sono

Since I've been feeling so sick I had my US early and....


TWINS!!!!!!

2 sacs and 2 heartbeats!

We're beyond thrilled.

Beta # 2

On Monday 5/17 (13 dp5dt) my beta hcg was 2644.

US scheduled on June 3rd!

Beta HCG

was 361 !!!

I'm 9 dp5dt.


Can't wait for my sono!

OMG OMG OMG

So I broke down and took a test (acutally 4) since it was Mother's day and all...

and...

They were positive!!!!!!!!!

I'm 5 dp 5dt.

Waiting is the hardest part...

or maybe not.

While I can't wait until my Beta on Friday, part of my doesn't want Friday to come.

Because right now I at least have the possibility of being pregnant. If I'm not pregnant next Friday, I won't be pregnant for a very long time.

So at the moment I don't know. I might be pregnant. Or I might not be. But I don't know. And it might be better that way.

At least now I can think that maybe I'll have a baby next January. This time next week I'll know.

Now that the Valium has worn off

My final thoughts on IVF:


Embryo transfer- much worse than I had expected
most painful experience of my life
IM injections- not as bad as I had feared
Egg retrieval- easier than I had thought
SQ injections- just as I expected
Side effects:
of BCPs- nausea just as I had expected
Lupron- none
Gonal F- severe headaches towards the end and generalized crazy feeling


I'm glad that I picked Dallas IVF where they do 5 day transfers(instead of day 3). I'm confident that we've done all that we can to increase our chances of getting pregnant. While I don't know what the outcome will be, I will not regret the money spent and trips made to Frisco.

I hope that we never have to return to Dallas IVF. I hope that my infertility will be cured and my family will be complete.

But if this doesn't work, we have 2 frozen embryos stored.

5 day embryo transfer

My two perfect embryos were transferred into my uterus today. Now we must wait and see what happens.

Transfer Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'll get 2 of my embryos transferred into my uterus using a catheter. I'll be given Valium so that I'll be able to relax.

I'm excited and kinda looking foward to the 48 hours of bedrest.

I got my order of 10 HPTs in the mail from early-pregnancy-tests.com. I'll probably start using them on Thursday. It will probably be + then from the hcg trigger, so I'll keep testing until it goes away. That way when I really start testing (probably next Wed, Thurs, and Fri I'll know that it isn't from the trigger). I have my official beta on Friday.

I hope this works!

Today's Report

8 great
4 good
2 poor

The IM progesterone shots aren't NEAR as bad as I had feared.

I'm just sleepy. And still a little sore from the retrieval. In fact, I was MUCH more sore yesterday than on Friday.

And todays magic number is....14

Yay! I have 14 pre-embryos incubating in Frisco. Of the 22 eggs that were retrieved, only 16 were mature. 2 of those did not fertilize normally.

The embryologist said that she's call back on Sunday with an update.

I know that they probably won't all make it to transfer, but I'm hoping that 4 high quality embryos make it (so that I can transfer 2 and freeze 2 for later).

I'm feeling much better than I thought I'd be feeling today. No real pain, just a little uncomfortable. Nothing compared to the headaches I had a few days ago.



I'm enjoying my one day off from injections. Tommorow I start my progesterone injections.

Here are some pictures from the retrieval.

Last image of my(left) ovary before retrieval.

Well that was easy

So the retrieval was easier that I thought. I remember rolling into the OR and moving onto the table...and then waking up in the recovery room.

Dr. Ku retrieved 22 eggs. Tommorow they'll let me know how many fertilized.

Eating IHOP 2 hours after having general anesthesia wasn't the best idea, but I'm feeling much better now.

So now it's just resting and drinking fluids to prevent OHSS.

ER today

Yay! It seems like years ago when we started this IVF process(although it has only been 2 1/2 months) but we've finally made it to this point.

I'm a little nervous about going under general anesthesia, but overall I'm just excited.

Goodbye Eggs

To my eggs,
I'll miss you. Can't wait for you be grow into embryos, so you can come back to me. I promise I'll give you a good home for the next 9 months.

Love,
Your Mommy

P.S. Sorry about ya'll having to stay in the lab for 5 days (or in the freezer for months if that is what it takes). I'll be thinking of you during that time.

Ready fo this to be over

I am officially *over* this.

I'm feeling really bad today. This afternoon I started getting a really bad migrane that won't go away. And I'm nauseated. And my ovaries hurt!

Finally made it to trigger

Things were looking better the US this morning.

29 total follicles. Only 16 are ready for retrieval though.

Tonight I'll give myself Ovidrel (hcg) trigger and retrieval is going to be on Thursday at 7:30 am. Then I'll have my transfer on Tuesday.

Tommorow I don't have any injections to give myself! But that won't last for long.

On Satruday I start daily IM progesterone injections.

I'm curious as to what my estradiol level will be today. Hope it isn't too high because I don't want to get Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. The nurse said I'm at risk for it because of my age, the number of follicles, and my estradiol level from yesterday).

So I'm drinking lots of water and I'm supposed to start weighing myself daily. Ugh.

Estradiol

The nurse called today and told me that my E2 was 4019 so Dr. Ku is decreasing my Gonal F to 225 (instead of 300) for tonight.

Not sure why my estradiol is so high but my follicles aren't growing like they'd like.

Not today

My follicles didn't grow as much as they had expected.

So I'm going to continue the Gonal F and going back tommorow for another sono.

Hoping to trigger tommorow night and retrieve on Thursday.

25

So yesterday I had my US and it showed 25 follicles!!! Yay. Although 10 are small and they don't expect those to make it. All I need is 1 (or 2).

They didn't even bother to check my E2 level. They can tell I'm not hyperstimming by my US.

I still have headaches and pain in my ovaries, but I'm feeling better. Maybe because I know that my ovaries are working.

Or because I know this is all going to be over soon.

So I'll have my beta on the 12th of May.

WOW! In 2 1/2 weeks I could be pregnant.

Going to Frisco

It's been a while since I've made the 2 1/2 hour trip to my RE.

Going in today for a follicle check and blood work. At least I won't be as stressed out as I was using DCOL lab!!!

I feel like I'm going to explode! But I know that is a good sign. It means my follicles are growing!

17 is my magic number

Today sucked and I don't feel like thinking about all that happened.

My experience at DCOL was worse today than on Tuesday.

US showed 11 follicles on the right
and 6 follicles on the left

E2 was 450

The nurse said we are looking at Wed. for retrieval.

We're keeping my Gonal F at 300 each night and Lupron 5 every morning

I'm in so much pain already. My ovaries HURT!!! And so does my head.

Ouch

My ovaries hurt.

Hoping things go better tommorow. It will be my last trip to DCOL for a while.
All my other labs/sons will be in Fricso at Dallas IVF.

Can I get some Lexapro w/ my gonal f

OK. So I've gone from great, to ok, to oh this sucks and now I'm officially batshit CRAZY.

I now understand why people want to blow up things. DCOL f'ed up my lab today. I scheduled my appt at freaking 7:30 AM so that I could have my labs/sono faxed to my doctor before noon.

And my lab was ordered STAT. So when my doctor's office called me at 2pm and stated that they hadn't received my lab I was confused. Turns out someone ordered it wrong and the results did not get faxed to my doctor. THAT IS NOT OK!!

So I had to leave work and drive across town to deal with their stupidity.

On a side note, the US went smoothly and my doctor got that report in a timely manner. Thanks Kannon's mom, who did my US.

So my report:

Right ovary 7 follicles
Left ovary 4 follicles

E2 level 142

I guess it wasn't great news because Dr. Ku wants me to go up on my Gonal F.

I go back to DCOL on Thursday for an US and labwork.

I love IVF

So I'll start out by saying what I've been telling myself all day:

I'm thankful for the technology that allows me to try and conceive a biological child.

I'm thankful that we have the opportunity to give Brodie a sibling.


With that being said... OMFG!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eggs are ready to be harvested!

If I ever wondered where my ovaries were...now I know for sure.

***I'm going in for my first US tomorrow, I'm pretty sure that I'll give myself the hcg trigger shot and they'll be ready to extract these eggs from my body on Thurs. ***

Or at least that's what I would like to do. I doubt my RE will agree though. And since he has much more training on the subject than me, I'll go with his recommendations.

Honestly, I think we'll trigger on Saturday night and retrieve on Monday and transfer on Friday. And delivery boy/girl twins around Christmas :) That is my educated non sarcastic guess/hope.

And I thought Clomid sucked.

Let me repeat what I said earlier:

I'm thankful for the technology that allows me to try and conceive a biological child.

I'm thankful that we have the opportunity to give Brodie a sibling.

Clomid???

And so the side effects begin. Today (after 2 days of Gonal F) I'm starting to feel the way I did while on Clomid. It's hard to describe, but feeling like this sucks.

And I have had the worst(and only) headaches of my life! Tylenol is my friend.

I'd like to say I won't go through this again. That if my first IVF cycle doesn't work, I'll give up and move on.
But every month that I took Clomid, I swore that it would be my last month. And I wouldn't put myself through that again. And yet I took it for 6 months...so I'm not going to say that this time.

I'm pretty sure that I'll keep trying until I'm 40 or run out of money.

I go in for my first US to check follicles on Tuesday at DCOL.
Until then I'll contine my twice a day injections. My Lupron was decreased to 5 units on Friday(when I started Gonal F). My Gonal F dose is 300.

Lupron in AM
Gonal F in PM

I've also started drinking 2 L of water a day. And Gatorade. And eating more protein. Trying to prevent OHSS.

Time to make some eggs

I start Gonal F on Friday!

I've given my ovaries some time off to rest. Now it's time for them to kick into action and do what they were created to do. I have faith in them. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to hyerstim early (but I also thought my FSH would be normal since I'm 26, so what do I know).


I go in for my first follicle check/estradiol level on Tuesday at DCOL. After that it's every other day monitoring until the retrieval.

My love/hate with IVF

As much as I hate the think of all that is coming up within the month, I can't help but be excited at the possibility of being pregnant a month from now!!!

Wow! I want this to work so bad...but if it doesn't I'm going to get Brodie two kittens for his birthday.

If I can't produce a sibling for him, a pet (or 2) is the next best thing.

I was reading through all the IVF paperwork/consents and for the egg retrieval, it said that they will use general anesthesia. I thought that my doctor had said IV sedation, so I'm going have to verify that when I call them this week.

Also I want to get a prescription for Emla cream (to help with the pain of the IM injections) AND some Valium for the transfer.

I also can't believe that I haven't had any side effects from the Lupron. I was sure that I'd have headaches and hot flashes (because I usually get every.single.side.effect.listed). Besides some nausea from the BCPs I'm doing great.

I'm also pretty sure that the yoga is helping to keep my calm during all this.

Only 1 more day of pills

I can't wait to be done with the Desogen Birth Control Pills. I've been taking them at night (with Phenergan) because they make me feel nauseated.

I'll be glad to be done with them.

So far, so good

My US on Monday was all clear, so I got to start Lurpron injections. Because it is given sub q (into the fat) I can easily give them to myself. And they don't even hurt.

As a nurse, I've given plenty of shots to other people, but none to myself. But I did it and I survived.

Lupron 1o units before 10 am daily. It keeps me from ovulating too soon!

This is what $2300 worth of IVF medications looks like.

I've quit going to the gym due to my doctors instructions and started doing yoga at home. Because we all know that relaxation is the key to getting pregnant! Or at least that's what I've been told 100+ times.

On Sunday I stop taking BCPs (thankfully!). And soon I'll start the real meds: GONAL F. That is what is going to make me produce lots and lots of eggs.

Going for a sono tommorow. Hopefully all the cysts will be gone and I will start my Lupron injections.

"Thoughts on being a mother" by Natalie Worsham

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by the world, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I will prevail.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

And so I start!

I still can't believe that I'm really doing this! I never would have thought that it would come down to this. Several months ago I said that I wouldn't do IVF. But that was before we found out that it was our only option if we wanted to conceive. It's amazing how one phone call can change everything.


It has taken a while to get used to not temping/charting/POAS daily. But I've realized that none of the will help me get pregnant.

While I am thankful that we have the technology (mainly IVF with ICSI) to attempt this, I am sad that I have to go to these measures to do what comes easily to most people.

I am terrified of the shots (the IM injections), the side effects of the medications, and mostly the fact that this might not work. That is what scares me the most. So I just don't think about that.

The first (and easiest and cheapest) part of my IVF meds.

Pre Cycle Testing

An image of my "perfect" uterus, per Dr. Ku.

The Ultrasound Room, where I'll be spending a lot of time (and money!) to monitor what is going on in my ovaries.